Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
