There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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