he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
