I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
