Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just high enough for therapy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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