How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
