Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Come on in and take your pants off
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