the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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