wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
