just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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