My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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