i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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