tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
