I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
