wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
