my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
