Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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