will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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