in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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