Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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