Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
