if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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