I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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