You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
