I want to make a zoo with you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
