Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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