Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
