does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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