You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
