Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
