Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
