you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
