So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We have so much sex to catch up on
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
