Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
