six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
