my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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