We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
