I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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