I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
