I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
