we made out on top of his cat.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
