I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
