This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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