i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
even my farts smell like vagina
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
