It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
