hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
