you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
