Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just cropdusted the office
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
