I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
