My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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