HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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