ugly people sure do ruin things
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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