I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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