Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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