question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
